To be content ... and/or to grow?

I've spent years on that question — "to be content with what is, or to grow?" — even though I wasn't aware that kind of contentment was much of a possibility till my early 30s. Actually, I think I've only been really getting the idea since I turned 60.

Early in life I was aware of my need and desire to grow — to learn, to explore, to change plans, to deepen experiences, to have adventures, to change or evolve ("not the same thing!" I can hear my dramatic theory professor insisting, as "evolve" implies development while change doesn't have to). In fact, I thought growth was what all of us were here to do. I had a whole theology worked up on the subject, though I'll spare you that here. (You're welcome.)

But nowadays I'm also aware of my need to simply be, and be content — to consider that what I have, what I am, is enough, and be grateful for that.

Do those ideas seem contradictory to you? To me, they're at least paradoxical. I want, and still want, to grow, but does that mean I'm experiencing myself and my existence as "not enough"? Because isn't the end of suffering the end of attachment to more, bigger, better, supersize, and the like? (Yep, I'm stealing from the Buddha here.)

I've come to believe that, in our messy human way, both are necessary points of view. And it's what draws me to coaching and my particular set of coaching paths, shorthanded here as "go your own way" and "go with the flow."

Yes, we should go our own way, growing in understanding and knowledge based on our instincts, insights, and lessons along our path. Deep down, it's possible to know what we want in an authentic way — and to set an intention to become it or attain it. That helps us be of service to ourselves and, in whatever way we choose and however we define it, to our world.

And yes, we should go with the flow, like the leaf atop the roaring stream of our lives. It's freeing to be content, to be, without so much WANT and CRAVING all the time. (We ain't gonna redirect that roaring stream, anyhow.)

While we can compartmentalize having intention and having contentment as separate experiences, they're really hard buggers to pin down, aren't they? Sometimes they even intersect, one inspiring the other. And sometimes, seemingly, they don't. Such is part of being human. Coaching works with both: primarily intention, but also contentment.

I've found art (of any genre) to be the closest we can come to seeing both of those inclinations at work at the same time. And that art can evoke all sorts of epiphanies.

While I could point to many examples, I'll mention the work that's gotten the bulk of my attention the past few days: "Magic," a 2007 album by Bruce Springsteen. I'd missed it, for the most part, when it came out, but recently rediscovered it and have been mesmerized by secrets it holds. I told a friend that the album seemed "ephemeral" to me, then quickly castigated myself for that response — I mean, it's existing in the here and now, right? So how can it be ephemeral, like, say, a work of dance? But I think the album, at least lyrically, records passing moments of wisdom and feeling, and yes, fleeting moments of "magic." It allows intention and contentment — and mystery and certainty — to co-exist.

It strikes me that coaching approaches a bit of that balance, though our focus, of course, is on the growth side. Still, I've been having some experiences with clients lately when there's been reason to absorb their "enoughness" even as they seek to move forward.

To grow or to be content? My answer is, "Yes."